MENSTRUAL CYCLE SWINGS

The sun rose in a pool of crimson and gold, spilling light all over the land and the aqua-blue clouds. Fresh air filled my lungs, refreshing and exhilarating my tender body and soul. The dim light infiltrated via the big shiny leaves held above the Jacuzzi, by widely stretched leafy branches of the exotic ancient oaks; triggering a chilly dark lustrous aura. The vapour of the toxicating chlorine embedded itself on my nasal hairs, making me huff and puff breathlessly. I swiftly got out of the steamy nourishing waters, wore my silk bath-robe and grabbed my unique Maasai crafted bag. Briskly like a soldier, my iron-rod hairy legs marched to the elegant washrooms; aiming to scrap off chlorine traces with my vanilla scented body wash. The aroma of grilled chicken and fries from a nearby posh restaurant wafted the hot air. Subconsciously, my robust hands slammed the door behind me. However, before my rather small feet made any steps further away from the door, my entangled mind was interrupted by successive sudden shrill rings, emanating deep into my pocket. I fumbled for my sleek I-phone and there she was, calling me.

“Hello!!! Johnny, hope you are fine and still following the motile shadows of your Medical Microbiology passion”, a familiar soft pleasing sound hit my ear drum so gently, transmitting spasms of joy into my wounded heart. Incoherently she continued; her then sweet shaky voice, laden with a deep remorseful touch, “Darling, with a bruised heart and a deflated ego, with a sad soul and a head hung low. I apologize to you unconditionally”, I responded with my ever confident tone, “Hey!!! Valencia, I understand everything and accept your apology but we have to meet at Two Rivers Shopping Mall in the next 40 minutes from now.” No sooner had I finished talking than she responded with an anxious tone, “Okay!!! on my way…I’ll let you know upon my arrival.” I cut the phone connection, just at the touch of a red decline-call icon.”

I sluggishly walked to the restaurant and bought a bottle of probiotic yoghurt. I requested for an Uber cab, which arrived within 5 minutes. During the ride, I dived into a pool of endless skeptical inquisitive thoughts, that could only be answered by Valencia. I could not vividly understand why she would pamper me with a rare kind compassionate motherly love; only to bitterly lash out on me, with much rage and finally kicks me out of her life. I gobbled down the yoghurt greedily as the introverted middle–aged driver switched on the radio’s C D-player, filling the cab’s atmosphere with Adelle’s song ‘Hello’; which reverberated off the dark tinted, tightly and fully closed windows. Ting!!! …Ting!!!... Ting!!!, Valencia sent me a text message, as she had promised, “Hey!!! I have just arrived, please meet me in the art gallery.” Without much ado, I replied “Okay!!! I am almost there.”

In a spur of moment, I arrived at the serene environs of the much coveted Two Rivers Shopping Mall; I Paid the driver and walked towards the entrance majestically, with much prowess than Shaka the Zulu. After a serious security check at the flowery inviting entrance, I walked into the art gallery, located on the ground floor. On seeing me, Valencia run towards me, hugged me so tightly; her head seemingly resting on my broad mascular shoulder. Her heart throbbed so hard against my chest, more than the drums played in Jamaica during a reggae concert. In real sense, the heart beat threatened to blow up her well-endowed tender breasts; which resembled two identical watermelons carefully placed on a high shelf. She released the passionate hug; tears rolling down her tomato-like cheek. I wiped her tears, held her moisturized sponge-like hand and lead her to a neighbouring Java coffee shop. We were served coffee with freshly baked English muffins.

Her dilated eyes focused on me as she explained what fueled her to throw tantrums, hurting me so badly. She gave me all the details about her menstrual cycle experience; where she is engulfed with negative emotions; painted and masked with irritability, boredom, loss of appetite and abdominal pains. Her magnetic nut-brown eyes met with my retina, and we maintained a strong eye contact. I sprung up from my chair, held her head and long glittering coal-black hair, falling at her back like a waterfall. I pulled her towards me while holding the eye contact, which became stronger and stronger.

Truly, love is blind; I went in for that kiss, not caring about what others will think of us. Her natural pink lips tasted like a fresh, sweet and creamy yoghurt; processed from a goat’s milk. My salamander-like tongue, darted deep into her mouth, as we swallowed each other’s warm, thick and frothy saliva. A Biochemist would professionally conclude that our enviable passionate kiss, was enough to create dative bonds between us, through the release of oxytocin and dopamine hormones, from our love struck brains. Valencia murmured these into my attentive ears, “I promise that I will never ever lose you no matter what; men like you are a rare kind species; you have swept off my feet and won my well-guarded heart; you really deserve me.”

Comrades!!! I recently conducted a profound medical research work on menstrual cycle swings. Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) is a collection of sensations experienced by our beautiful queens; often triggered by the release of high levels of hormones; before, during and after the periods. The high amounts of hormones released may lead to backache, pain in the inner thighs, bloating, nausea, diarrhea, constipation, headaches, breast tenderness, irritability and other mood changes. Women also undergo positive changes which include; euphoria, new beginning, invigoration, connection with nature, creative energy, exhilaration, increased sex drive and intense orgasms. Females may crave sugar, chocolate, white bread, pastries and noodles. The food cravings stem from increased responsiveness to insulin due to increased hormone levels before menses begin. In this case women will go through low blood flow, hence carbohydrates should be used to fuel the brain with energy, to perform all physiological activities in the body.

Dear men, our intriguingly beautiful ladies should be understood, tolerated, protected and taken care of, since they are oftenly in rollercoaster of emotions. However, not every female deserves a man’s protection and care. When you become committed to the proud-for-nothing ladies; it will be like grabbing a golden cup of sweet chilly liquid poison. I am lucky my smart industrious girlfriend understands that it takes two to tangle; in everything a couple has set to do, including the two end user encrypted bedroom affairs. It is all about two-way traffic. I am not saying all this from a hatred note towards women. I am insisting that men should protect only the deserving ladies; the same way I protect my caring and loving Valencia, better than mother hen protecting her chicks from eagles.

See you all next time, thanks for reading